Tamara Wong-Morrison (Lesson updated June 2011)
Lesson: “Wahi Pana” or Celebrated Place Poem
(A special place in nature poem)
Topic: “Vivid Voices – using Figurative Language and Poetic Devices”
Length: 55-75 minutes
Grade: 3-5, Middle school, and 9-12.
RATIONALE: Students need to express themselves clearly and creatively. Clear
and creative expressions using figurative language and poetic devices help to make communication more effective.
These creative writing elements will make their other forms of writing more effective also.
HCPS/CORE STANDARDS:
Core Standards available online at http://www.corestandards.org/the-standards
HCPS Standard: Conventions and Skills
Apply knowledge of the conventions of language and texts to
construct meaning.
Benchmark: Apply knowledge of figurative language and
symbols to analyze and interpret texts.
HCPS Standard: Rhetoric
Use rhetorical devices to craft writing appropriate to audience and
purpose.
Benchmarks: Uses language that is precise, vivid, and clear.
Has voice and style that reveals the unique writer
and speaks to the reader(s).
Kamehameha Schools Rubric:
Uses vivid language.
Uses figurative language.
Essential Question: What happens when one spends time in one’s
Wahi Pana, a celebrated place in nature?
PERFORMANCE INDICATORS:
· SWBAT (student will be able to) create and use
· x of y metaphor in this poem.
· SWBAT create and use an “oxymoron” in this poem.
· SWBAT develop and use “personification” in this poem.
· SWBAT discover and use “imagery” in this poem.
· SWBAT use “repitition” or “alliteration” in this poem.
· SWBAT know what a quatrain format is.
· SWBAT use details in this poem.
· SWBAT peer review other student poems in their “Elbow”
Groups.
ASSESSMENT: Formative: Drafts of their “Wahi Pana” celebrated place poem.
Teacher will do on-going “thumbs up/down”
assessment during lesson.
Peer review: three positives comments & one question
Summative: Final version of their “Wahi Pana” poem that
effectively uses all of the above.
INSTRUCTIONAL COMPONENT:
5 minutes Introduction:
HOOK: “Why is it important to remember your Wahi Pana,
celebrated place?”
Teacher will write hook question on board.
T. will ask students hook question; elicit responses.
(Answer: Change happens!)
T. will quickly review schedule written on board:
Wahi Pana lesson: 15 minutes
Writing of poem: 20 minutes
Peer review: 20-30 minutes
10 minutes Development:
T. (teacher) passes out “Wahi Pana” poem format.
T. says that the topic of lesson today is a “Wahi Pana”, a celebrated place poem.
T. says that their goal is to write their first drafts of this poem using
X of Y metaphor, oxymoron, personification, “snapshots” or imagery, repetition, alliteration, and color detail.
T. reviews each of the above.
X of Y metaphor is created by connecting two different things
with the word “of” (i.e. sea of surprises, clouds of flowers,
waterfall of gardenias, lei of lullabyes, songs of stars)
Oxymoron is created by putting two opposite words together:
(i.e. frozen fire, silent scream, civil war, giant shrimp, smart idiot)
Personification is created when one assigns human characteristics
to inanimate things or places (i.e. Mauna Loa rolled over and
danced hula, the coconut tree let me sleep in his shade).
Imagery or snapshots are created by looking at Wahi Pana as
though one is looking through a camera and taking snapshots;
one describes the images they see.
Repetition is created by repeating, repeating some words:
Repeat, repeat to create a beat!
Alliteration is created by using “couple three” words that start
with the same letter (i.e. she sells seashells).
Internal Rhyme is created by rhyming within lines, not at the
end of the line as most poems rhyme.
T. says the final version of this poem may be published in their
booklet of poems or posted on the class web-site later in the year.
T. says the format of this poem uses “quatrains” or 4-line stanzas.
The total number of lines will be twelve.
The teacher will stress the importance of reading/using DETAILS
by citing the example of Mao Piailug and Nainoa Thompson who
depended on reading details correctly to sail Hokule’a all over the
Pacific without getting lost.
T. will read “Maha’ulepu” poem (attached).
Students are to remain absolutely quiet and think about their own Wahi Pana.
T. will ask students to meditate about their place for a few minutes before coming back into the classroom to write their poem.
20 minutes Focused Engagement:
T. will circulate around room giving direct instruction and assistance while students write their first drafts.
20-30 minutes Closure:
Students will move into their Elbow writing groups.
T. will pass out Elbow Group sheets.
Students will peer review their first-drafts in small group of three
to four.
Students will staple the three elbow sheets to their first draft and
turn in to teacher for comments. (first drafts are not graded)
Teacher will debrief lesson as closure.
Extension task(s):
Students who finish early are to quietly assist another student who
isn’t done or illustrate their own poem.
Notes: Supplies & Equipment: Copy paper, Copier, and Stapler.
Management: Cooperating Teacher is to be present in room during lesson.
Attachments: 1 page of “Wahi Pana” poem rubric
1 page of “Wahi Pana” poem format (quatrain)
1 page of “Maha’ulepu” poem
2 pages of Peter Elbow peer review sheets
“WAHI PANA” poem
First draft
Second draft
FINAL VERSION
_____________________________
My name:
Interesting Title: _______________________________________________
1)______________________________________________________________________
2)______________________________________________________________________
3)______________________________________________________________________
4)_____________________________________________________________________
5)______________________________________________________________________
6)______________________________________________________________________
7)______________________________________________________________________
6)______________________________________________________________________
7)______________________________________________________________________
8)_____________________________________________________________________
9) ____________________________________________________________________
10) ___________________________________________________________________
11) ___________________________________________________________________
12____________________________________________________________________
| Rubric/Criteria for WAHI PANA Poem | 5 Strong | 4 | 3 Developing | 2 | 1 Not Yet |
| CLARITY: | Language is precise, engaging and natural: 1) Uses X of Y metaphor 2) Uses imagery. 3) Uses oxymoron, 4) Uses personification, 5) Uses color detail. | | Language is functional & mechanical: May use an oxymoron, metaphor, personification, or color detail. | | Language is limited: No oxymoron, metaphor, imagery personification or color detail. |
| CADENCE OR RHYTHM: | Language is lyrical, poetic and musical: 1) Uses repetition, 2) Uses alliteration, 3) Uses repetition again. 4) Uses internal rhyme 5) Uses internal rhyme again. | | Language is somewhat lyrical: May use repetition, alliteration, internal rhyme | | Language lacks cadence or rhythm: No repetition, alliteration, internal rhyme |
| DESIGN AND ORGANIZATION: | The design or organization is cohesive; It all fits together: 1) Uses interesting title, 2) Uses 12 lines, 3) Uses quatrain format (4-lines), 4) Uses three stanzas, 5) Is typed. | | The design is somewhat apparent: May use interesting title, 12 lines, quatrain format, three stanzas or may be typed. | | The design is loose or lacking: No interesting title, less than 12 lines, stanzas are not used, quatrains aren’t used, not typed. |
| CONVENTIONS: | Writing uses correct spelling, grammar, etc. No errors. | | Errors are not overwhelming; They do not block the meaning. | | Errors distract the meaning of the poem. |
TOTAL POINTS: ________________________ Graded/Scored by: ______________
20 points = A STUDENTS ARE TO REVISE FOR MINIMUM GRADE OF “B”
19 points = A-
18 points = B+
17 points = B
MAHA’ULEPU, FOR YOU
by Tamara Wong-Morrison
Your sand dunes reach up
Trying to touch Ha’upu mountain (personification)
Far away society seems (alliteration: society seems)
For the quiet crashing waves (oxymoron)
Wash away all memory.
Here or there, a beer bottle to remind you
But, still beautiful
Wind, rain, sea, and plantation have carved you (repetition of word “you”)
Naked and helpless
Desirable to developer. (alliteration)
Washed on your pebbled shore
A doomed vessel turned on its side
Nails rust in the salt air
An example of things to come.
The pine trees cling to your sides
And tangle their hair of branches with sand. (x of y metaphor)
Your cliffs overhang the reef
Where blue uhu look ono (internal rhyme: blue uhu and color detail)
Swimming about.
Your caves, mysteriously known to few.
The Kipu kai ranch over the range
And an old Filipino man with his bamboo pole,
Watch out compadre, the changing times
Like the tides, can drown you in its undertow. (internal rhyme: times/tides)
Poem revised by author on June 14, 2011 for instructional purposes.
___________________________________________________________
Title of poem: _____________________________________
Author of poem: _____________________________
THREE SPECIFIC EXPRESSIONS I LIKED IN POEM:
(must write exact word combinations)
1)
2)
3)
QUESTIONS I HAVE ABOUT POEM
(Why, what, when, where, who?)
MUST ASK AT LEAST ONE QUESTION:
Sincere comments with aloha by: ___________________________
________________________________________________________________________
PETER ELBOW PEER REVIEW OF FIRST DRAFTS:
What: Peer review of student work process developed by Peter Elbow.
When: After first draft of writing.
Why: To combine collaborative talk, thinking, and meaning-making by sharing positive comments and posing questions.
How: Students in small groups of 3-4 review, respond, and question their first drafts.
Students sit in same seats designated as 1st reader, 2nd reader, and so on. First reader is always first to read.
The first author reads piece aloud twice.
On first reading, others write three positive comments on piece by
writing the exact words they remember. Listen very well.
On second reading, others write one implicit or explicit question.
Author does NOT answer questions. Author simply says, “Thank you” and collects their comment.
Second reader reads, and so on.
Elbow group time is about 15 minutes per person (one hour for 4).
Reference: Elbow, Peter 1998. WRITING WITHOUT TEACHERS;
Oxford University Press.
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